Hair, or Lack Thereof


Originally posted on June 19, 2008- I have been losing my hair for 10 years now. Just on top, and I still have some up there, all over. I don’t have that Bozo the Clown look yet, though I am sure it is coming one day. You can just tell that the hairs per square inch on top of my head are shy of what they once were.

And, yes, that saying about inheriting your hair genes from your maternal grandfather are true. My grandfather started losing his hair at about the same age I did. My favorite picture of him, standing beside his 1962 Volkswagen Panel Van (he owned a TV and radio repair business, and this was his work van), illustrates that in his late 30’s he was challenged to put forth a full head of hair.

The years I knew him, his 50’s, 60’s and 70’s, he always kept his hair short on the sides, but long on top, and he’d comb said hairs on top, not in a true comb over, but what was more an artistic swirl. It worked for him; I had many women whom were not my grandmother come up to me over the years to tell me how handsome they thought he was. 

When I first started losing my hair, in my late 20’s, I was horrified! I had a girlfriend, but we were pretty new to each other, and I did not know if it would last. What if I had to go on the prowl again with no hair?

That girlfriend is now my wife of 6 years, and she says, as she did then, how handsome I am, and that she could care less how much hair I have. That sustained me for many years, we are very secure in our relationship, and I figure the only person of the opposite sex I need to impress is my wife. If she’s happy, I am happy.

Though, to be honest, I knew the first time she said that, and every time since, has been a complete lie right to my face. Women, for all the credit they get for being the kinder and gentler sex, they have their likes and dislikes in men. I know it varies, but I have been around the block enough times to know they like things like men whom are tall, whom are slim and muscular, whom have pretty eyes, and men whom have A FULL HEAD OF HAIR!

But again, I did not possess the vanity nor the extra money to go see some doctor who wants to plant hair on top of my head so I can star in one of those commercials where the slightly overweight, middle-aged guy jumps into a pool full steam, then emerges from the water with a full head of hair, presented to the astonished stares of the busty blondes poolside.

I just put my hair woes aside, heck I have enough to worry about….until the past few weeks. My wife and I were talking with a few friends over a few beers, and someone steered the conversation to who in the wide friend circle was good looking. You know, that dumb game that seems innocent enough at first, but is destined to hurt someone’s feelings in the end? Everyone named someone they thought was extra cute, to laughs. When my wife’s turn came, I expected one of two names to come out, guys in our circle that seem a bit too handsome for their own good.

But, she chose this guy I would have bet $100 she never would have chosen. The guy has hair and a beard, very dark hair; think Geico man, but a tad handsomer. The tall, dark and hairy type I guess.

Which just puts me in a funk. Maybe for no reason. But, if I, whose hair style leans toward David Letterman’s, am supposed to be the benchmark for handsomeness in my lady’s life, why does she pick as handsome, or good-looking one of our friends whose hair style leans more toward Eddie Rabbit, or Johnny Damon in his Red Sox days?


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